Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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