Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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