i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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