My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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