He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
