We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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