im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
