I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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