I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
