Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize