is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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