Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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