GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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