Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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