I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
