So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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