so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
