you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize