why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
