He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
