ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
