i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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