p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
