Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He passed out mid-signature
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
