part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
