Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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