it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
