Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We need to get me chipped asap
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
