someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
