Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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