Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
birth control should be required to get into college
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
