I am in a vortex of obligation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
