so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
