You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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