my vag is so smooth its legendary
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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