i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
