drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
