It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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