Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
