If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
