WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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