he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
