I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I fill condoms, not promises.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize
