it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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