I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
