he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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