I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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