tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
