If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
