Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
smell my finger.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
