All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
