No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize