I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
