So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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