"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
