If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
