I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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