Need sex. Gaining weight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
