Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
