He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
