i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
