shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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