Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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